i move too slow and i think too fast.

when you think of the end of the school year you think the end of all your mistakes and getting older and having a little more power in the school. how cool it is to be at this grade finally. how quickly its all come. and you think of your friends in the beginning till now and how you are glad for the ones who have stuck by with you and the ones youve lost sometimes you regret for losing but sometimes its for the better.

GRADUATION. thats the BIG event in everyones life. the passing on from school to "real life" leaving mediocre high school and moving on to college/ a job. its when you find out who your life long friends really are. before this big day is senior yea. usually the funnest year. the year where you get a break. when you have the last dances, and you cry over everything. when you get voted for shit like "most likely to succeed" . its the year that you scream your year out like an idiot "ONE OH WE BE HOES" HAHAHAH. SENIOR YEAR is one of the most crucial and memorable years of your high school life. its the BEST.

ha. well im missing it. but im getting all the troubles of it. im already losing my friends. im already feeling the heart break of moving on and im thinking of everything i CANT do now. my mom recently said " come on, be honest, they arent your friends any more, but its okay you have new ones, and they are great..... people move on and you did" i died a little inside when she said that. I MOVED ON... I MOVED ON..... I LEFT THEM. but that wasnt my intention. they have been my friends since the beginning. the first people who could laugh and screech and yell and dance and prance and just be total asses with and not be scared that people are looking at us, the first people to say " no anatalia you really DONT need that toy " the first people who completely were like me. who were little kids in all the ways i was. yes, i felt left out at times. but i still loved them, with all my heart. but its all gone now. i cant go back. i made my bed.

i cried a few nights ago, after coming from a banquet. it was for DRAMA. i had gotten an award... i dont know how to explain it. i was awarded of being a thespian. but first i had to be inducted. and to be inducted i did an improv monologue. i was literally shaking after it. but it was so great. i keep reliving it. i can still hear the laughs from what i was saying. i didnt really look at the faces, i was too nervous, i looked above them. they were a blur. but i can hear their laugh in sync at what i was saying. and i thought " im funny? im funny? BY MYSELF? IM FUNNY BY MYSELF?" i cant fathom people might have liked the words i was spewing from the top of my head. every word was thought a second prior to when i actually said it. and it was good. it astonishes me. but thats over. and any award of the sort, because those are just little fun things for high school kids.

*sigh* ive done this to myself. i stopped caring. i let go of my balloon and let it fly. i watched it fly away. so why am i wondering why its gone? i want so much to go next year but i cant. i cant do any of it. my test is on the 20th. and then im gone. POOF. no more mark keppel anatalia. now its elac anatalia.

goodbye high school, i had many memories. i love you. :[<3